My Weakness

Lets get to the point,

Very early on in life i learned the importance of self preservation,  as a child i had to know when to go down stairs and when to hide away in my room. i learned to lie, sneak and take what i needed,

and as i got older even though i had friends i always had a lone wolf mentality.

I used to think no one else will  help and if they do it will cost me and if it doesn't they wont do things the way i like, so i didn't accept help and would usually self destruct just to prove a point.

years on however this changed, i let people into my life and i let them take on some of my burdens, it was great and refreshing but it didn't last forever and before i knew it i was looking out for #1 again.

then i was staying home alone while my parents were away,

taking care of my mother because i was the only near by relative,

and trying to act like i know what I'm doing with things that most adults older than me have no clue about.

And little by little this year Ive been relying more and more on my own strength.

Some people would argue that its a great thing to rely on your own strength and that others hold you back,

however when you're part of a church family this becomes absolutely impossible.

Firstly

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

As a Christian one of my core beliefs is that God is always there for me, when ever i need help when ever life gets tough all i need do is call upon him. and when times have been tough i have called upon him and he has seen me through.

Secondly
When you're part of a REAL church family they always look out for you and have your best interests at heart. I'm constantly being asked if i want anything or need anything, people are so quick to offer help and support and its great and i feel so loved. But when you've lived most of your life looking out for yourself it can feel suffocating.
"I'm okay thank you" has become a bit of a catchphrase for me this year.

This year through losing my mom, moving into my own house and having surgery, Ive found I'm very dependent on others generosity, I've had to accept the help of others and people have showered me in support and offered to help in so many different ways, If you're reading this and you have done this...

THANK YOU!! I cant begin you describe how much it means, But please bear with me. I'm only just learning how to say yes to people who want to help me.

I push myself a lot, i like to prove points and I'm stubborn. Most recently with my leg, expecting too much too soon, wanting to do things  before i should. The thought of not doing the things i love doing and giving things a miss so i can recover, is gut wrenching and my fear as well as others fear is that ill do more damage to myself rather than heal.

So God i pray that you'll humble me, help me submit more to you and to my leaders, take away my pride and soften my heart to the generosity of others.
Amen.

Written while listening to
Catalyst - Solar Fields(mirrors edge 2 soundtrack)

My Faith isnt blind, it is based on the evidence at hand. Tell me my God Isnt moving

Spring Cleaning

I keep forgetting to update this blog, but consider yourselves lucky if you're reading this cause i haven't updated my Youtube page in months either.
So i recently got a new bed, which required me to do a lot of tidying up in my room.

And while cleaning i found a lot of things under my old bed that took me on a trip down memory lane,
little pieces of paper with scrawlings on, keepsakes from previous relationships. boxes containing the smell of old habits.
And  it got me reflecting on how far i really have come over the years, in some areas more than others at least.

so im planning on doing some more tidying up of my room soon, to sort out papers and documents that should probably be kept in more organized places,
which is what got me thinking about spring cleaning, which could have possibly been started by the Jews as a way of cleaning their homes in preparation for passover,
(to celebrate the Jews being led out of Egypt)

for the last 5 years, Ive been escaping my Egypt's, the things that keep me bound, the sins that im a slave to.
John 8:34 "Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin".
And every Easter i celebrate that Jesus died so that i could be set free,

But just like the Israelites of the old testament, i find myself back in slavery to old habits,  and im reminded that i have a hope, a faith and a Savior that bought me out of slavery so that i didn't have to do this "Spring cleaning".

But things get covered in dust when they're not used in a while, and Ive recently had things that have occupied my time causing my spiritual life to start gathering dust,

So as i enter this new season(both physical and metaphorical)
i want to encourage you, to join me and do some spring cleaning ready for Easter,
check for signs of dust and dont be afraid to ask for help if it seems to much for you to handle.


Written while listening to Hollow wood - Seasons

It Was Raining Just This Hard...

This blog will be talking about  my favorite manga One Piece and something that really touched me in the latest chapter, just a prior warning that this may be harder to follow than previous blogs.



 

















 So, a bit of background on the characters and story at this point...

Chapter 775: To Lucy Anne, With Love.
This chapter primarily focuses on a fight between two characters, a fight that started about a year and a half ago  that readers have been waiting to see for so long, and it didn't let down one bit.
The protagonist in this fight  is Franky a half man half robot who builds ships is the ship wright for the main characters.
The antagonist in the fight is Senor Pink a fat middle aged man who wears baby clothes, sucks a dummy, is introduced as a bit of a pervert and has a power that allows him to swim through solid objects.

I Hope you're following this as best you can, i know it all sounds weird but just hold on a little bit longer..

Both of these men claim to be the "Manliest of Men" and so their fight isn't all that action packed and serious but a battle of endurance, ending with  the protagonist Franky winning  and delivering his final attack as shown in the picture "IRON BOXING"  a flurry of punches at a speed that so fast it seems like he has multiple hands in the picture..

So whats the point of this blog?
Well senor pinks following words are;
"Thats right now that i think about it, Lucy Anne, The day i met you, and the day you stopped laughing, it was raining just this hard."
The thing is in the current story line it isn't raining, so what is he talking about?

It's a metaphor, he's comparing the punches being thrown at him, to the rain on the day he met the love of his life, rain so heavy that it almost knocked him out because he had met the woman of his dreams.
They had a child, he left to work as a pirate, he came home to find out his child had died, his wife found out he lied about his job and ran away during a storm, she got trapped in a landslide and ended up in a coma.

She could no longer smile, and Senor Pink had lost everything.
A love story started by the rain, finished by the rain,
Id like to point out he wasn't always a fat man wearing baby clothes, he used to be slim and handsome only wearing expensive suits.
But when one day visiting his brain dead wife in hospital, he decided to put on their dead childs bonnet in hopes of a reaction, which he got in the form of a small smile on the face of his wife, he carried on visiting her wearing less suits and more baby clothes till the day she died(and then afterwards in memory of her and their son), because the slightest smile was worth more to him than the most valuable of suits.


When i first saw this character i wasn't a huge fan he made me feel uncomfortable and was kinda creepy,
but then this chapter comes out a year and a half later and Senor Pink is of my favorite characters from this current storyline.


Because it was raining, just, this, hard

A Collection Of Thoughts

So i haven't made a new blog post in over 2 months and that's due to a number of things, finishing college the business of Christmas and the stress that has been trying to help my mother move downstairs to a new flat.

So 2015? What lies in store?
Do i have any new years resolutions? Well first off this year i want to do a lot of things, i want to work, I'm desiring to have a reason to get out of bed in the morning, I want to go on more adventures, and i want to film those adventures, and the most important one.
I want to fall in love with Jesus more and more this year.

Ive not really gone in depth about my faith in these blogs so i thought my first blog of this year would be on this subject,  i won't go into depth about my testimony in this particular blog, but i will talk about a few things that have spoken to me so far this year.

Towards the end of 2014 i was getting a bit scared and stressed, i was finishing college and i didn't know and at the time of writing still dont know where i will end up, what i do know is that it is in Gods hands.
That doesn't mean im sitting back doing nothing by the way,  im looking into and applying for various different jobs, what this means is that where i end up will be completely dependent on where God calls me and what doors are open/closed in coming times.

It was recently at church one of my favorite preachers Jordan spoke on how we shouldn't worry and even though it seems like a pretty straight forward message it hit me, that my worrying isn't  just a problem affecting my sleep, health or mind.
Its affecting my relationship with God, you see worrying is a lack of faith, and even though i knew that i never really truly understood that.

And this brings me to today, we had a different morning at church today..
We watched a small DVD by Billy Graham (A renowned and well respected preacher who has seen thousands come to know jesus over the years).
For weeks we have been praying for this mornings service, encouraging people to bring friends with the hope of seeing people saved and people brought friends and some of those friends responded to the message.

I didn't invite any friends...
And i made the excuse that it was because i didn't have any friends outside church.
Which is almost true.
i also made the excuse that i was on computer and it wouldn't be right for me to invite someone new to church and then ditch them.
Which again is almost true.

But i wanted to invite someone, and if they're reading this blog they should know who they are.
(and if you're reading this blog, i'm sorry i didn't. i know you probably wouldn't really have wanted too come to church, but i still should have invited you. Also text me sometime so we can grab lunch at subway and catch up).

There are people i want to see saved, so many people,
and its  not reservation, or fear that stops me, but bad expectations.
I expect people to say no so i don't make the effort as much as i should.


Its that lack of faith i mentioned earlier,
and with that i'm gonna swiftly move on to my next point from today's DVD service,
Behind the computer and sound desk at church is the creche, and towards the end of the service, while we listened to a song from the DVD i turned around and looked into the creche,
And there was little Joel (our churches miracle baby) dancing lifting his hand to the song with a great big smile on his face.
And even though i see him every week and we all constantly thank God for him,
this morning the faith of his parents and the blessing that he is really hit me.
He reminded me why i fell in love with Jesus..
And that's something i want to be reminded of,
DAILY.

Why do you do that? Pt 3

Why Do You Do That? Pt 3

So we've covered my love of video games and anime and how they came to be.
now the only hobby of mine left to talk about is probably the one people know me for,
YouTube!!

YouTube has been such a massive part of my life since  2007 when i discovered it randomly browsing the internet,  since then Ive watched hundreds of hours of videos, from video game videos, to anime videos, YouTube is the glue that holds all the different parts of my life together.

Most people spend money on TV subscriptions for hundreds of channels they will never watch and which they essentially have no control over other than the remote, but with YouTube you can watch what ever you want to watch, and if you're brave enough you can make your own videos for other people to watch.

Back in 2007-2010 i watched a lot of videos by people from the UK and in fact all over the world, in which they would either talk at the camera about something random, or they would document one of their days out, or they would create a comedy sketch that would leave me howling in laughter, and i admired it, me and a friend enjoyed watching parody music videos and always talked about how we would create our own, we never got round to it but we still had that creative desire,
and eventually that creative desire sent me into the crazy world of video making.


                                    
                                            (From my video "Baguette in the life of a day")                          


And what an amazing few years Ive had, Ive created videos that i didn't like but Ive created videos that I'm proud of,  my goal never to become famous like the people i watched when i first discovered it, but the simple goal of just making people laugh, that's all i have ever aimed to do with my videos.

Ive been watched over 20,000 times on the internet, and Ive met some of the most amazing people including the people i used to watch myself, and i can look back at my videos and remember all of the great times Ive had in this journey.

But unfortunately the end of the year is steadily approaching and as i look towards my end of year montage i realise Ive made 12 videos that i could use in the montage as apposed to the 40 i have usually made by this time in previous years..
Why? well gatherings are few and far between these days as all the people i used to see move on to other parts of their lives,
i dont have as many ideas for videos, and when i do i dont have the help around me to make them to the standard i could happily release,
my life isn't exciting enough to document my days, my mind is focused on other things and the social part of my favorite social media site has dwindled an diminished.

Does this mean i quit?
No of course not,  all of these blockades are down to my lack of enthusiasm, somewhere along the line this year i forgot why i made videos,  to make people laugh. and now I'm realizing how many missed opportunities Ive had to do so.


At this point id just like to say thank you to everyone whose been reading these blogs it makes me happy to know people are enjoying them, 
What topics will i cover next? I dont know but watch this space!!


Written while listening to "Walk the moon - Shut up and dance with me"

Why do you do that? pt2

Why do you do that? pt2



So as promised here is the blog about my fascination/obsession with anime and manga,
for those of you who dont know what anime and manga is, its basically the Japanese equivalent of cartoons an comics, the main difference being......
Well everything.

Generally the art style is the key difference,
western cartoons tend to have very obscure character designs where as anime tend to have more realistic character designs,
The layout is also different, manga( usually the predecessor of an anime) have a linear story to follow where as most cartoons are episodic in the sense that they rarely tend to link one episode to another, the one  example where this isn't the case would be the "Avatar Last Air Bender" series which was heavily inspired by anime.


But this post isn't about the definition or description of anime and manga and if you are really that interested in the subject, then look it up on Google,
This post is about why i class watching/reading it as a hobby and why its such a huge part of my life.

So lets talk about that.


                                                                                           --IMPORTANT--

(I'm going to be mentioning a few animes by name which will mean nothing to some people but i will leave a basic synopsis at the end of the blog to help you understand some of the "Jargon i use")

(Scene from Toradora)

Again we have to travel back in time to when i was about 6 years old when the most popular cartoons on television for people my age were "Pokemon" and "Dragon-Ball Z" The only thing that these two shows had in common?
They were both english dubbed anime that had
been bought over to the west because of their popularity in japan, I spent a lot of time in front of the TV after school watching cartoons and those ones especially because they, as i mentioned previously followed a story, they weren't random episodes that were silly and fun they were stories that grabbed you're attention to find out what happened next.



Over time other anime became popular in the west such as (my personal favorite)"One Piece" and "Naruto" although these did not have the same lasting effect for what ever reason and the english dubbed episodes slowed down if not ceased to come out.


(Scene from One Piece)

Between the ages of 12 and 18 due to various reasons i forgot about them, in fact at the time i didn't even know anything about anime myself, and it was only around the age of 18 when  just browsing the internet i stumbled back upon "One Piece" and with the time i had i decided to Marathon through 600+ episodes in a week, and after that i started reading the Manga(Comic) to keep up weekly on the new releases,

I soon started watching other animes that i had heard people talking about and before i knew it id have watched over 100 series(usually spanning about 24 episodes)

So why the obsession? Why not just watch live action TV shows like a normal adult?
First of all i watch plenty of live action TV shows so there's that,
Secondly id rather watch a show about a group of pirates with super powers, than Emmerdale farm where someone gets cheated on or murdered every week(because that's what people want to see)
and if that makes me weird then i have no qualms with that,


Maybe its that childish part of me that doesn't want to let go of what he enjoys,
Or maybe its designed for audiences of all ages, and you shouldn't be so stuck up when you judge someone for enjoying what they enjoy.

Next time we delve into the open always online world of YouTube
Written while listening to "MGMT - Electric Feel"

--SYNOPSIS--

"Avatar Last Air Bender" - Story of a young boy who is the last of his people, and his journey to bring balance to the world.

"Pokemon" - A boy catches weird animals and uses them to fulfill his dream of being the very best like noone ever was. (its been 20 years and he still hasn't managed it)

"Dragonball Z" - Martial artist fighting aliens and robots and saving the world even if it means death, but its OK because if they die they can be brought back to life.

"ToraDora" - A girl and boy in high school, its a romance you can work the rest out for yourselves. (and yes that one girl is punching another girl, not all romances are easy)

"One Piece" - A group of pirates looking for treasure and saving people from dictators, corrupt government officials and other pirates, then complaining when they get treated like good guys,
(honestly i could write an entire blog alone on why i love this anime so much)

"Naruto" - Ninjas and fighting, not a lot to say on this one.. its not as good as the others on the list(in my opinion at least)